Yup, SaMe Old Me

Life will be easier if i can forgive myself rite? I can let things go much much easier, can live in peace and move on happily with my life...

Forgiveness is a gift to give to yourself

RaiNBoW

18:10 Feli
Ada plangi loh. Liat langit d. Lengkung smpurna

There it was. Rainbow, beautifully stretch accross the sky with its magnificent colours. I feel peace, and hope.. May this be a good sign for whatever come ahead.

My very best friend is pregnant, Thank God, after all this time. I am sooo very happy for her and her husband. Both are one of my most favorite couple and dearest friends. May this be for the best and better...

Another best friend of mine has finally accepted a man to fill her life, has finally put aside her fear of a relationship, and finally take that she can also finds someone who can take her for what she is, loves her and willing to be part of her life forever. How i wish her all the love and happiness, may everything comes in all the best for her...

As for me...
May I find all the strength I had, to stand back on my feet and live my life peacefully. Life is just way too precious to ignore. That everything has their best timing, 4JJI has planned everthing perfectly. My time will come, so just sit back and do my best...let 4JJI take care the rest.

There's NO such thing as PERFECTNESS

U know that sometime life is even harder to bear because of other people's expectation on our life?...

We have our limitation, our own difficulties which other can hardly see. There's no way you can expect them to understand, and there's no excuse for you to tolerate any of those. Feels like cursing to ease the burden...

The power to survive is there, we can make it just fine i know. But facing it will never be as easy as it seems. Time will heal, time will take care of things.

I havent been able to stand firmly again, havent gathered my scattered pieces back in place. Havent been able to erase the guilty feeling and regrets. Million times i've told myself there's no use regreting things happened in the pass. Just have to deal with it, take the risk and learn from your mistakes. Why is it so hard to do that now?

Can hardly feel the smile in my heart. The emptiness remain.

Many times you feel like life is making fun of you. Just when you think that everything is just perfect, BOOM!!! Things fall apart. There's no perfectness which belong to us, to human being. We can only plan, imagining, hoping and pray.

Kini Harus Aku Lewati
Sepi Hariku Tanpa Dirimu Lagi
Biarkan Kini Ku Berdiri
Melawan Waktu Tuk Melupakan Mu
Walau Pedih Hati Namun Aku Bertahan
(damn!! knapa juga mba2 warnet nyetel lagu ini skarang sih??)

Everything happens for a reason, though many times we cant find what the reason was. Still you have to have faith, have to believe, that everything that happen is for your best. Again, this cliche statement is never easy to apply.

bsok 40hri Savana pgi...

It's Good to be Single..hihihi

Kmaren ini ada temen gw telpon, its been a while since our last phonecall. Listening to her life story and all the problems she's dealing...until she said the word; I envy you for being single. Waks!!! This is not the first time I heard such statement from a friend.

Manusia emang ga pernah puas. Yang udah kawin pada pengen single kya gw, sementara yang single kya gw pengen kawin dan punya anak kya mreka. Jadi apa yang salah? Mungkin ga ada yang salah...mungkin cuma kta aja yang kurang mensyukuri keadaan yang ada...ato kta yang kurang bisa menikmati smua yang ada diidup kta.

Being single means freedom. The only person in charge and responsible for whatever we do with ourlife is ourself. Tapi itu juga berarti kta dituntut untuk bisa mandiri, cause there's none to share. In so many different ways, both situations has their own problems.

Percaya kan, 4JJI udah siapin kado terbaik buat each one of us...all we have to do is do our best and let 4JJI take care the rest.

**Just hang in there dear friend, everythings gonna be just fine**

Last Days...

Sepuluh November Dua Ribu Lima,

08117962.. Din, Savana kritis. Udah ga sadar dari pagi. Anak2 udah kumpul smua d rumah sakit. Tadi pagi dia sempet nyium ibunya, trus abis itu ga sadar sampe skarang.

Suara Robby yang jelas dan satu2 itu bikin idup gw rasanya brenti. Gw ga bisa mikir lagi. I have to go. I have to see u Na... Rasanya ga percaya sama brita dari Robby, gw telpon Aal. "Lo mesti sabar ya Din, mesti ikhlas. Dokter juga udah angkat tangan"

BLASSSS!!!!

Gw mesti pergi. Gw mesti ktemu Savana. Ya 4JJI, smoga masih ada waktu...klo dia harus pergi, tolong kasih ksempatan buat aku ktemu dia.

1.30 Siang itu gw brangkat ke Lampung sama kakak. Cuma bisa berdoa, minta sdikit waktu buat bisa ktemu Savana. Smoga.... Prasaan gw udah ga keruan. Tiap kli hengpun bunyi, paranoid. I dont want u to go...i dont want u to leave me Na...

Akhirnya sampe rumah sakit, stelah ktemu d depan hotel sahid ama Robby n Esti. Di teras paviliun ada anak2 besbol. Mreka nganter gw sampe k kamarnya Savana. Kamarnya rame banget, penuh orang2 yg gw ga kenal, penuh muka2 berduka. Gw belom telat kan? Savana masih ada kan?... Feels my heart stop beating, can hardly breath, dont feel the ground under my feet.

Savana's still there. He looked sooo sick, selang oksigen, selang cairan perut, infus.. Kmu kurus banget Na, gondrong. Kurus banget. Aku sempet nyaris ga bisa bdiri tegak Na, tapi aku ga mau klo kmu liat aku sedih. Aku ga mau nangis deket kmu.

Ada mama kmu, ada Nana, Iwan...smua orang yang cuma aku kenal lewat crita2 kmu. Mreka ngasi aku kursi dsbelah tpt tidur kmu. Mungkin kmu denger mreka bilang klo aku dateng ya Na? Kmu megang tangan aku balik. Kmu pegang tangan aku kya kmu bener2 tau itu aku. Iya, ini aku Na...aku dateng. Aku percaya kmu denger aku, aku percaya klo kmu bener2 ada dsitu. Semoga bukan halusinasi aku ya na...smoga bukan cuma arep2nya aku aja...waktu kamu bener2 ngedipin mata abis aku bilang 'Na, klo kmu denger aku..kedipin mata kmu ya Na' dan kmu bener2 ngedipin mata. Bahkan kmu ngangkat alis sbelah waktu aku crita Ci2 Feli ga bisa dateng soalnya ga bisa ngabur kya aku, ga jagoan. Abis baca yasin, aku kluar kamar nyari Esti. N i cried, cant even stop my self... Aku pengen yg terbaik buat kmu. Pengennya disitu aja sama kmu Na, tp mama kmu nyuru aku istirahat. Bsok pagi2 pasti aku udah nemenin kmu lg deh...

Stelah d bujuk paksa Esti, Robby n Adit...akhirnya aku sama kakak nginep d rumah Adit, plus Esti (maap ya By, mesti bobo cendilian dulu mlm ini). Ga bisa tidur Na...

Sbelas November Dua Ribu Lima,

Aal...Din, dmana? Krmh sakit skarang ya...dcariin Savana tuh

Rasanya pengen langsung kabur. Nungguin Esti n Robby dateng rasanya lama banget. Gw seneng banget, berharap ini pertanda baik, biarpun hati kecil gw kyanya jerit2 khawatir. Biasanya, klo orang mau ‘pergi’ kan pasti kondisinya membaik dulu ya? Betapa gw membutakan mata dan hati gw dari suara itu.

Pagi itu Savana udah bisa sdikit komunikasi biarpun ga terlalu jelas. Dia bisa nggerakin kepala dan tangan dengan lebih leluasa dan akhirnya mesti diiket karna ngbrontak mlulu minta dilepasin smua selang2 yang nusuk2 badannya. Dia nengok nyari gw dan sempet bilang ‘mana?’ waktu Yolly bilang klo gw udah dateng. Gw sedih, gw ga tau mesti ngomong apa. Gw speechless…

Udah sakit bgitu Savana masih sempet juga nanyain gw, dateng jam berapa, sama siapa, nginep dmana… How I tried so hard to hold back the tears. Savana sempet ngucap tahlil dengan jelas dan kenceng. Dan gw smakin brasa klo dia bener2 akan pergi.

Siang ini gw mesti pulang. Gw ga sanggup mesti ngomongnya, ga tau mesti bilang apa. "Maapin aku ya Na.. Aku sayang sama kmu dan pengen smua yang terbaik buat kmu. Klo kmu mo pergi, kmu mesti ikhlas, mesti maapin aku..maapin smuanya. Aku udah maapin kmu dan aku ikhlas klo kmu mo pergi. Aku akan baik2 aja Na. Aku masih jagoan kok (jagoan itu bcandaan gw ama Savana klo lg blagu2an ^.^). Tapi klo kmu mo ttp dsini, kmu mesti berjuang, mesti sayang sama mama." Kta2 itu kluar dari mulut gw, dan betapa gw berusaha buat ga nangis. Gw tau klo gw mesti ikhlas dan bener2 ngrelain dia, apapun yang terjadi. Savana cuma pegang tangan gw dan ngangguk d bbrapa kalimat gw. Aku sempet pengen jerit2 waktu tiba2 mata kmu kliatan idup, bereaksi. Aku tau kmu liat aku Na.. Waktu aku tanya, kmu liat aku apa engga, kmu ngangguk dan pegang tangan aku kenceng2. Aku tau kmu ada Na... Terima ksih ya 4JJI, i coulndt ask for more.

Gw ga brani pamit. Cuma brani ngomong sama Iwan n Nana klo mesti pulang. Papa sakit juga. Uhhh how i wish i could stay Na, its weekend i know..

Kmu ngamuk waktu mama kmu bilang aku mo pulang. Kmu nglepasin tangan aku. Rasanya pengen nangis banget. Aku jg ga pengen pulang Na, aku pengen dsitu aja nemenin kmu. Akhirnya kmu ngbolehin aku pulang, pesen ati2 sgala...bilang i love you sgala... Aku gagu, aku speechless. I love you juga Na...

Jam 3 sore, aku kluar dari parkiran rumah sakit and left my heart there with you. Aku ikhlas Na, apapun yang akan kejadian. Aku percaya 4JJI akan ksi yang terbaik buat kmu, buat aku, buat kta... Aku pulang Na...

Ampir jam 9 malem aku sampe rumah. Hengpunku bunyi, sms dari nomer kmu bikin aku nganga, bikin aku panik. "Dah nyampe ya Din? Aku denger dari Atew tadi. Ma ksih banyak ya, kmu udah dateng nemenin aku dsini, ma ksih.. Jangan lupa doain aku biar sembuh" Sempet2nya minta Atew ketikin sms buat aku, kmu bikin aku sedih.

Ya 4JJI, Engkau pemilik rencana yang maha sempurna. Hanya dengan kuasa dan ridhaMu sgalanya dapat terjadi. Hanya Engkau yang maha mengetahui segala yang terbaik bagi hamba2Mu. Berikan aku kekuatan untuk menerima dan menjalani semua yang terjadi. Berikan yang terbaik buat dia disana. Kalau yang terbaik adalah dia kembali kepadaMu, permudahlah. Dan bila Engkau mengizinkan dia untuk tetap dsini, angkatlah segala penderitaan dan rasa sakit yang dideritanya. Aku ikhlas ya 4JJI, aku mohon Engkau memberikan kebahagiaan baginya, dunia dan akhirat. Amiin..

Duablas November Dua Ribu Lima,

13.41 ID-nya Bunda Dito muncul d layar hengpun...
Din, ini Nana...Icap udah ga ada Din...tadi jam satu lebih dua puluh. Udah ya Din..

.....apa yg mesti dtulis lg? Rasanya smua mati, smua diem. Aku ga bisa ktemu kmu lagi. Aku ga bisa denger suara kmu lagi. Sejuta penyesalan muncul campur aduk d kpala aku Na... Akhirnya kmu pergi, bener2 pergi. Aku ga bisa ngomong. Aku ga bisa mikir.

Ya 4JJI...terimalah dia disisiMu, berikan tempat terbaik disurgaMu. Ampunilah segala dosa dan kesalahan yang dia perbuat. Terimalah iman Islamnya. Amiin..

Na,
Aku percaya kmu skarang bahagia disana, ditempat terbaik disisiNya. Baik2 dsana ya Na, aku juga akan baik2 aja. Aku ikhlas kmu pergi, aku cuma pengen smua yang terbaik buat kmu dan aku cuma pengen kmu bahagia. I know you will always be in my heart, watching my every step and being there with no time and space to separate us. I love you juga Na...banget, my guardian angel.

Misyu Stil...

Ampir seminggu yang lalu, rasanya kok masih ga enak ya Na? Aku ga bisa duduk sendirian dan ga ngerjain apa2. Pasti langsung inget kamu dan sedih, keep holding back tears lately...

Klo orangnya udah ga ada, baru kerasa apa maksut smua omongannya ya? Baru brasa kehilangan banget, sedih banget dan sgala macem. Aku ga mau nyeselin apa yang udah kjadian sama kita, I love to remember our time as my greatest moment. Ga smua bagus pastinya, ada aja yang ngaco...mesti seimbang nginget2nya, biar ga sedih terus.

I need to talk with you again,
Why did you go away?
All our time together still feels like yesterday
I never thought I'd see
A single day without you,
The things we take for granted,
We can sometimes lose

And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again?
Will I see you again?

'Cause time will pass me by,
Maybe I'll never learn to smile,
But I know I'll make it through,
If you wait for me...
And all the tears I cry,
No matter how I try,
They'll never bring you home to me
Won't you wait for me in heaven?

Do you remember how it was?
When we never seemed to care,
The days went by so quickly,
'Cause I thought you'd always be there...
And it's hard to let you go,
Though I know that I must try,
I feel like I've been cheated,
'Cause we never said goodbye...

And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again?
Will I see you again?

'Cause time will pass me by,
Maybe I'll never learn to smile,
But I know I'll make it through,
If you wait for me...
And all the tears I cry,
No matter how I try,
They'll never bring you home to me
Won't you wait for me in heaven?

'Cause I miss you so, and I need to know...
Will you wait for me?

'Cause time will pass me by,
Maybe I'll never learn to smile,
But I know I'll make it through,
If you wait for me...
And all the tears I cry,
No matter how I try,
They'll never bring you home to me
Won't you wait for me in heaven?

And time will pass me by,
Maybe I'll never learn to smile,
But I know I'll make it through
If you wait for me...

Lagunya Kavana (kok bisa ya mirip sama nama kamu? ^.^) judulnya Will You Wait for Me

Let the memories be ours, and mine to keep. I know somewhere, somehow...that you will always there, as My Guardian Angel. Wuf u Na...

RaHaSia...

Ngliat Jakarta sepi, gw jadi inget sama satu pikiran dan ktakutan konyol gw. Konyol? Iya, soalnya kadang orang suka nyureng klo gw bilang soal ini.

Ini sbenernya rahasia ya...jd, psssttt jangan bilang2 *_*

Gw tuh paling ga mau nganterin orang pgi. Klo gw nganter pun, gw maunya jadi orang yang ninggalin. How selfish of me indeed, i know hahaha... Jadi klo gw anter, ya cuma sampe orang itu turun dari mobil ato paling telat ya sampe dia pegang tiket deh. Mata gw bisa burem, biarpun cuma nganterin bapak gw yang mo pgi kluar kota shri. Gw ga suka kondisi dmana gw mesti diem d tempat dan ngliat orang itu ninggalin gw, dan kliatan makin lama makin ngjauhin gw. Wihhh bisa langsung blur deh pasti...

ehhh tapi waktu kmu pgi, aku bener2 nungguin sampe kmu ga kliatan lagi. i have to be able to face the truth of ur leaving after all

......... UnTitLeD .........

If what happened is the best thing for me,
Why do I feel so lost...so empty...
Keep questioning myself
Keep convincing myself
Still I dont seem to find my way

Believing that things happen for its best

But then again,
The pain remains...the emptiness stay
The peaceful feeling is no longer there

Where shall I look for thee?

................
................

StiLL iTs You...

Kaca jendela kantor mulai basah kena titik titik ujan. Satu Satu... Rasa khawatir yang gw rasain tetep ada, blom ilang juga. Berharap siemens gw bunyi, ada kabar baik dari sana. Kayanya bibir dan hati gw ga putus minta supaya smua baik-baik aja. Semoga yang kejadian ga seburuk apa yang gw bayangin.

Cannot Touch, Cannot Hold
Cannot Be Together
Cannot Love, Cannot Kiss
Cannot Have Each Other
Must Be Strong
And We Must Let Go
Cannot Say What Our Hearts Must know

Rasanya gw pengen terbang aja ksana, dan liat with my very own eyes. Pengen mastiin smuanya baek-baek aja. Tapi klo gw udah sampe sana....akan ada perubahan kah? Klo smua jadi lebih baik, klo gw cuman memperburuk smuanya?

How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You.. Here In My Arms
How Does One Walks Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone

Cannot Dream
Cannot Share Sweet And Tender Moments
Cannot Feel How We Feel
Must Pretend Its Over
Must Be Brave
And We Must Go On
Must Not Say What We No Longer Long

Aaahhhh...!!!!! Gw pengen triak!!

masihajaareparepsiemensgwbunyidanngasikabarbaik
langittambahgelap,kyanyabakalanujangede
smogabaikbaikajadsana

WaKe Up OoOoOoOoyYyYyY...

waiting for adzan Maghrib...masih di kantor.

Dunno what's happening in my pretty little head *_*. Kyanya smua kerjaan gw akhir2 ini berantakan, adaaaa aja yang salah. Adaaaa aja yang bikin orang laen bete. Kyanya emang gw yang lagi ngaco, lagi ga beres. If I have to be honest with my self and admit to the world out loud....guess i know the answer to that. But still, could that be the reason?

I have to be back on my feet, move on with my life. Sigh....

...when ev'rything seems to be going down hill

Marhaban Ya Ramadhan

Delapan lewat dua puluh delapan menit, hari pertama puasa.
Kantor masih sepi banget, pada susah buka mata kali ya abis sahur...

Kemaren sore akhirnya gw bisa pulang "sedikit" teng go *_* niat banget pengen bisa teraweh berjamaah di mushola kecil di blakang rumah. Udah itung2 waktu, ga akan keburu klo naek metromini dua kli...akhirnya gw dengan ngrela2in diri memutuskan buat naek ojek. Wihhh deg deg plas banget ngbayangin duit yang mesti gw kluarin nanti pas turun dari motor tukang ojek yang baik hati ini.

Dugaan gw ga meleset sama sekali, jalanan pamer paha (padat merayap tanpa harapan hehehe). Bahkan motor yang gw tumpangin pun mesti sabar ngantri dan ikutan macet. I cant help myself to not looking at my watch in every two second, smogaaa keburu...

Alhamdulillah. Gw sampe rumah dengan selamat, biarpun berasa banget berkurangnya isi dompet gw setelah bagi jatah sama tukang ojek. Mandi cibang cibung, trus langsung pake mukena dan wuzzzz kabur ke mushola.

Di atas sejadah di teras mushola, gw cuma bisa nunduk dan bersyukur...
Terima kasih ya Allah, Engkau masih memberi kesempatan buat aku kembali merasakan Ramadhan taun ini bersama orang2 tercinta. Semoga Engkau selalu melimpahkan rahmat dan karuniaMu kepada kami. Amiin.

Betapa kita smua ini sama di hadapan Allah. Bermukena putih, berkopiah...bersujud menghadapNya.

MarHaBaN Ya RaMadHaN
SeLaMaT MeNuNaiKaN IbadaH PuaSa
MoHoN MaaF LahiR dan BatiN

Misyu...

Aku kangen kmu...

Gara2 cerita konyol romantis2an waktu makan siang tadi? Kmu sih, kadang2 terlalu manis bikin aku sala tingkah dan jadi ajaib. Pake acara bukain pintu mobil yang jelas2 central lock, plus pasangin safety belt aku... Ato pakein aku jaket n helm dan mastiin aku ga kena angin. Aduuhhh kmu tuh ngeselin! Klo kmu ga soooh nice kan aku ga akan sering2 kangen bgini.....

SlaMaT PaGi MaTaHaRiKu...

Ampir jam enam sore, dan gw masih aja duduk manis didepan layar monitor. Vertical blind jendela udah digulung dari tadi sore. Ga tau knapa, gw suka banget ngliat pemandangan kluar jendela yang untungnya ada persis di sbelah meja gw. Cuma dari lantai delapan sih, tapi lumayan banget buat sedikit ngilangin sgala rasa yang sering kli muncul di saat yang ga tepat.

Vertical blind itu slalu tergulung dengan manis tiap matahari ga mantengin gw kerja. Jadi pagi2, gw masih bisa liat langit yang warnanya mendekati biru plus abu2. Trus menjelang sore, matahari bagus bangeth...sampe akhirnya brubah gelap plus titik2 lampu kecil.

Mungkin gw emang tukang ngayal nomer satu di dunia, gpapa lah. Tapi kadang buat gw, ngliat prubahan langit dan smua yang ada diluar jendela itu kya ngliat satu siklus kehidupan. Sinar matahari yang terik banget bisa brubah jadi ujan gede dan bikin Jakarta macet. Ato mendung yang sering kli bikin gw males kerja, ga slalu jadi bukti akan dateng ujan. Posisi matahari yang slalu bergerak, kya ngingetin gw bahwa ga ada satupun didunia ini yang kekal, yang pasti. Asap hitam tanda musibah di ujung Jakarta sana, bikin gw pengen ada deket orang2 yang gw sayangin. Betapa gw akan ga berarti tanpa adanya mereka...

Rasanya gw termasuk orang yang cukup ekspresif nunjukin apa yang gw rasain, tp ga tau knapa ya...kok susah bgt ngomong sayang sama orang yg statusnya bukan temen, sahabat ato sodara. Gagu aja rasanya mulut gw. Ga bisa gw jelasin juga knapa bisa gagu bgitu. Entah gw yang parno, ato gw emang ternyata ga seekspresif yg gw pikir...ga jelas.

Diluar udah gelap tapi gw msh blom pengen ngangkat badan dari kursi kantor. Akhir2 ini jalanan tambah macet, bikin ga pengen pulang dari kantor...ato malah pengen bobok manis aja dirumah n ga perlu brangkat ke kantor.

I stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you’ll be gone
It gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you’ll be gone
I wish by God you’d stay

I stay awake
I stay awake and watch you breathe
I stay awake and watch you fly
Away into the night
Escaping through a dream

Kepala sama hati udah ga kompak nih, udah waktunya ng-brain wash diri sendiri. Bunyi ombak n birunya laut baru bisa di khayalin aja...Waktunya pulang, sampe bsok lagi. Slamat datang bintang2, smoga malem ini cerah.

The TiMe Has CoMe

Guess the time has come
To finally let u go

The feeling will never know its end
I let u stay tho...

For memories are not to be forgotten

If You JusT BeLieVe

Do you believe in destiny?
I guess that’s kinna weird question, but sometime we just questioning our life and things that happened there. We look at things, disapproving and analysing them, looking beyond what’s on the surface to see reasons. And it’s not so surprising to find no reason for things to happen, it just meant to be…it’s destiny and written in your hand.

But is it destiny how we live our life?
God creates us, human, to find our own way. There’s always choice everywhere we look. Even as a baby, we already been given choices, whether to drink the milk our dear mother has or take it from the bottle. Baby cries when they feel discomfort aren’t they?

Nobody has the honour to choose the kind of family they're living in, but we all have the power to choose what to end up to be. Those kids you see every single day, singing on the bus and handling envelopes, expecting the people to support them…like they have no other options. Options are everywhere, it is how you see it. There are people more than willing to take care and teach them, give them a chance to have a better life but it is up to them whether they continue living in the street or make their life better. Cos one thing for sure, life is never easy…life is never as simple as we expect…

Being happy is a choice. You can just sit on a couch in a rainy day and enjoy your life by yourself, at other time you can feel empty in the middle of a crowd. You can have no money in your purse and still be happy, or even you can have million on your bank account and still feel lonely.

You do notice how people in big city like Jakarta live their life? Most of them are so obsessed in getting a head of others. There’s no limit for satisfaction and nothing is ever enough. Compared those to the people living in the village. You can feel sincerity shine from their faces, spreading happiness to those who see. They live a simple life and choose to be happy about it, realizing that complaining will not get them anywhere. Take what life offers you and cherish them with all your heart.

Just keep in mind for you always given choices and awareness of their risk. That you are given strength to stand in every storm and wind blows your ground. That life is not always black and white, it often grey and rainbow too.

It’s a matter of picking your card…and plays it smartly.

Jam empat tiga belas menit, minggu, dua puluh satu agustus dua ribu lima.
From a friend’s life, who is hopefully soon discover her strength to believe in herself.

My Version of Sex & The City

Rainy Afternoon, Day Two August Two Thousand Five, Five Thirty Two PM

This thought has been wandering on my mind lately. How i would end up as a completely different person if i dont have those wonderful, loving and caring people around me. These people i'm referring to are those other than my family. The people who's been with me thru every turn, every storm and disaster, every sunrise...cant never imagine life without them.

I have this friendship which might be the same as others' but somehow i know i will never change them for anything. Honesty. I think that's the basic of our friendship. We have nothing to hide and always, always tell the truth. Best friend has not only good ears, but also has strong arms to hold and catch your falling, warm hand to hold when you're lost and mouth to snap and comfort. There will be hundred, or even zillion people walking in and out of your life...but only the best one will remain. Everything in life is an evolution, only the strongest will survive.

We spent wonderful glorious years in Bandung, yet i feel the city is a totally different city without them. Whenever i have a chance to go there, the feeling i have is nothing but memories filled with those nasty faces and evil thought inside. Gosh, i miss you guys so much. We are separated now, by distance certainly. But the feeling still there...

Really, it's never about where you are...but it's always about who you're with and the people in your heart. Cos these people keep you strong and brave facing every opportunity which come ahead, knowing in your heart that they will always be with you along the way.

Love always.

Dedicated to those lovely people; ChiKo EsTi Yas Iko HeNdi and others who bring colours to my life...and make it even precious.

uNTitLeD

ketika,
kurasakan sudah
ada ruang di hati ku yang kau sentuh
dan ketika
kusadari sudah
tak selalu indah cinta yang ada ...

Mungkin memang, ku yang harus mengerti
Bila ku, bukan yang ingin kau miliki
Salahkahku bila, kaulah yang ada dihatiku

Ada kah kusinggah di hatimu
Mungkinkah kau rindukan padaku
adakah ku sedikit di hatimu

Bila kah ku mengganggu harimu
Mungkinkah tak inginkan adaku
akankah ku sedikit di hatimu

Bila memang, ku yang harus mengerti
Mengapa, cintamu tak dapat ku miliki
Salahkah ku bila
Kaulah yang ada di hatiku.

Kau yang ada, di hatiku.....

Bila cinta kita tak akan tercipta
Kuhanya, sekedar ingin tuk mengerti
Adakah diriku, oh singgah di hatimu...
Dan bilakah kau tahu..
Kaulah yang ada di hatiku

Kau yang ada, di hatiku.....

untitled by maliq & d'essentials

Just have to let go...

Everything in life is very unpredictable. One day u can sit on the couch, thankful for everything u have, a home with warm laughter of the family...but in a blink of an eye, just like that. Ur on ur own. Alone, have nothing. Feel hopeless and helpless.

There are times when u have to fight sooo hard for what u wish to come true. Climb the mountain and swim across the ocean. U feel like u have the power to conquer the world. That everything ahead of u will be down on their knees on ur command.

But u have to always remember...

That no matter how hard u tried, no matter how many mountains u'v climbed, if it's not meant for u and it's not meant to happen...then it won't.

I, my self believe, that all that counts is the process. Cos u can never guarantee the result. It's our responsibility to do our best in everuthing. And u have to pray...for only God has power to make the impossible to possible.

For everything u have is only a loan-basis. Just have to be prepared to let go....

twofiftyfivepm, forthofjulytwothousandfive

feelthenumb, feelthedeathofthebutterflies, feelnothing.

And I LoVe U...

One day after my fantastic beach holiday, the butterfly in my stomach grew louder each time. Cant seem to find the rite words to express my feeling, until I found this poetry in BungaMatahari...
Have a wonderful reading, as I do.

--- In bungamatahari@yahoogroups.com, "nurman priatna" wrote:">nuwwman@y...> wrote:
Hatimu main roller coaster
Deras menanjak, menikung dan menerabas
Cadas menukik, lalu menyeruak, melejit ke langit
Kamu pun berteriak, sejenis bersorak
Dari bawah sini aku tak mengerti
Adakah itu sorak gembira atau teriak marah?
Sungguh aku tak mengerti
Kau ingin aku naik atau menjauh ke anjungan lain?
Alur rel roller coastermu tak teraba lagi
Kau terus saja berayun-ayun hingga terbolak-balik
Adakah kau bahagia ditelan kurva ayunanmu?
Sementara di udara kau torehkan koma dan tanda tanya
Di daratan kau melintir, melipir mengibas pasir
Demikian kejabmu berulang kali
Enak memang, kalau tak perlu antri
Karena ini roller coastermu
Aku cuma penonton; terbius bisu
Ragu akan langkah kakiku
Ngeri akan laju ayunmu
Aku tak bisa lagi membacamu
Kau melaju tanpa momentum baku
Anti gravitasi
Tuna friksi
Instan tanpa gradasi
Roller coastermu bergaya bungee
Sepertinya jatuh bebas menjauhiku
Melihatnya, aku ketar-ketir
Ingin ke ruang kontrol
Korsletkan listrik dan remukkan panel kendali
Hingga gelap lampu-lampu lintasanmu
Mati segala daya
Roller coastermu terhenti
Ku berharap itu dihadapku
Agar kau bisa lihat dan akhirnya tau
Segila apapun manuvermu
Aku masih berdiri,
Menanti tiket terusan
Buat naik roller coastermu

Hari ini ujan deras, kilatan petir di jendela kantor...all of it caused this wonderful romantic feeling, of wanting to be with you. Just sitting next to you, having milo 3 in 1 as usual...

Smile which comes from the warmth of the hearth is the most honest n pure happiness.

Someday I'll wish upon a star...

Monday, seventh of march two thousand five @ two thirty pm.

I woke up this morning, feeling as if I could reach the blue clouds hanging up there. This peaceful feeling I have, is it because of you?... Just knowing you're still there, listening to every single words I said, laughing to those silly words I choose. And I am left with warmness in my heart and smile on my face before I closed my eyes last night.

I don't want you around, not if that will caused you pain... My silly picked of words sometimes meant to be said, leaving questions unanswered. Questions that I, choose not to answer.

You add colours to my life, bring those lovely butterflies' feeling inside.

somewhere over the rainbow...skies are blue

and the dreams that you dare to dream

really do come true

someday I'll wish upon a star

and wake up where the clouds are far behind me

where troubles melt like lemon drops

away above the chimney tops

that's where you'll find me....

How grateful one who found such a happiness of love, that will keep the heart warm and bring nothing but lovely days. I pray for you, and myself...that we'll find one for ourselves. Time will tell....